Sadly the last time I had a Mother-Daughter date was over ago. I remember shortly before my Baby Boy was born that Little LadyBug (LL) and I had lunch at Subway. Being very pregnant I was impatient to head home but LL was sitting across from me eating her sandwich slowly and just smiling at the world around her. I knew that these times of just the two of us were going to be less often once the new baby arrived and I cherished this moment.
So this week as I sat on the train heading to London, I could not help wrapping my arms around my daughter and just looking at her. I often admire her smile or acknowledge something funny she said but had been awhile since I could give her my 100% attention. We were both filled with happiness and she talked non stop. Asking questions about the train and what people around us were doing. I looked at her face and tried to memorise the perfect blond curl next to her left ear. I looked at the colour of her eyes. She was not born with the same eye colour as me so I was always told that they may change as she got older. Her eyes are a little bit darker blue-gray that I remember but they are still the beautiful eyes that I will never forget seeing for the first time on the day she was born.
I held her hand a little tighter than normal walking through London but she was so brave. She stepped onto the escalators and tube trains without any hesitation. She was not at all scared of the sounds of busy London. For the first time in months, I forget about my blog, email and social media accounts and was completely present in the moment with my daughter. My daughter was extremely sweet and happy during our adventure together. She gave me lots of hugs and kisses on the trains and shared what she was thinking about freely. This morning with my daughter has really changed how I have felt the last couple days.
I often spend my days thinking constantly about all the tasks and goals that I would like to accomplish and honestly being a little annoyed that my children are keeping me from accomplishing them. This feeling leads me feeling frustrated with my life and not feeling like a good mother or wife. My daughter reminded me the other day how spending quality time with my children is the most important job I have right now. Besides the time when LL is at Preschool, I am with my children 24/7 but I have gotten in the habit of trying to steal moments to send an email or look at my social account or to draft a blog post and often are not actually giving my children my full attention. I decided the last couple days that I would stop trying to balance my children and my personal goals at the same time. I need to put my phone away and play with my daughter and son for uninterrupted hours. Then when later my daughter is playing independently and son is napping or in bed, I can focus on my blogging goals without feeling conflicted.
I am have accepted that I may not be able to accomplish every personal and professional goals I have right now because my children need me. I need be realistic about what I can accomplish without sacrificing precious time with my children. In a couple years, they will both be in school and I will have more time to focus on my goals. It is not my children's and husband's job to make me feel happy but spending time with them does bring lots of joy and happiness into my life.
I hope that in 2016 my greatest accomplishment is remembering to cherish my children and husband more than I did in 2015.